Wallet Top Trumps

Feb 3, 2008 by John    3 Comments    Posted under: random

Ever play Wallet Top Trumps? The rules are simple: you have to be in the pub having already consumed one too many ales and already talking shit. Then you start pulling random shit out of your wallet. Best shit wins. That’s it.

I just came across an old wallet that was lost and since returned. Was most chuffed to get it back, as it I thought I’d lost a few Top Trumps.

1. Just warming up… some punts and shillings



2. Patriot Wipes

   I picked these up in some fast food place in New Jersey post 9-11. They’re like those wet wipe things you get on planes. The text on the back reads KARI-OUT will donate a portion of the proceeds from the sale of this fresh nap to charities for the attack on America. I didn’t know there were charities that funded terrorism.



3. Engrish instructions I got a with a Secret-Santa-inflicted pedometer.

   My favourite bits are:

   “This stepping meter can only count correctly under the flat plant“

   “Under the following conditions, the stepping meter can’t count correctly:
   
   (i)Moon Walking, Wearing Sandal
   

   (ii) When walking in the tricky condition.”



4. Get out of Jail (not free) card

   And just when you thought I’d dealt my top trump with some classic Engrish, I’d whip out my get out of jail card. Also picked up in New Jersey. It’s a business card from a bail bondsman.

Can you top that?

Views from above

Jan 16, 2008 by John    No Comments    Posted under: random, waffle

How come you hear people going on about everyday views, like the view of Killiney bay from the dart, yet no one ever talks about the absolutely amazing views you often see from a plane. I sometimes think everyone tries to be too grown up. You hear kids on planes going “Wow – look at all the clouds!” while the all-so-grown-up folk snort and tut at their unsophisticated excitement. Planks.

I’m currently botched up in a hotel room for one week only, in the middle of not very much in Sunnyvale California. The eagerly awaited peace and quiet isn’t all it was cracked up to be. Aaaaaanywaaaaay… on the flight over, passing above Greenland, I saw the most breathtaking views I’ve ever seen. Miles and miles and miles of snow covered mountains, seas full of icebergs, and lands covered in pure undriven snow, for as far as you could see. I spent ages gazing out the window trying to spot a polar bear. Which was ridicilous. As it would have been the size of a teeny weeny freckle from that height. A teeny weeny white freckle on white snow. Didn’t stop me from looking. Especially when the alternative was a movie as dull as ‘Shoot Em up’.

I’ve had a look for other people’s photos and here’s what I found. Needless to say a photo of an amazing view captures about as much as a movie of a book. But if you look at them very closely, you might just see a polar bear standing on a block of ice eating a mint.

Off his trolley

Dec 31, 2007 by John    7 Comments    Posted under: photoshop, random

Damien says he loves this photo by Katherine Kenny but I just had to see what it looked like without the trolley.

Stop thief!

Dec 20, 2007 by John    2 Comments    Posted under: music, random

Is plagiarism the sincerest form of flattery? I’ve come across that article on lots of sites over the years and that’s great, I’m very flattered. But none of them have a link on their homepage that says “Click here to read my article”.

Teabagging

Nov 27, 2007 by John    No Comments    Posted under: random, waffle

I’m very proud to discover that I’m top of the list on google.ie for the phrase teabagging.

Had a look around to see could I find anything amusing myself. The Wikipedia entry is tame enough but it’s alightly amusing to see it recommended as relatively safe sex on teenwire.

And members of an american wrestling team were charged with a hazing (a rookie initiation) involving mass teabagging!

Perry Bible Fellowship

Oct 4, 2007 by John    No Comments    Posted under: art, funnee, random

The Perry Bible Fellowship, BY FAR my favourite comic strip, has finally gone to print.
Pre-order one now. I’ve got two on the way.

Christ, that’s definitely the earliest I’ve bought a “that’ll-be-a-good-christmas-present-for-someone-better-buy-two!”.

Bunnies!

May 23, 2007 by John    2 Comments    Posted under: books, films, music, random, waffle

Two of my favorite things share a common theme – bunnies! Donnie Darko and a book by Bill Drummond called 45. Ok, they’re called Echo and the Bunnymen, so the link to Donnie Darko is pretty obvious. But another subtle link is that in 45, Drummond (who managed the Bunnymen), becomes obsessed with the album cover for Crocodiles, because by pure coincidence, the tree in the background looks like a big bunny; but no-one else he shows it too can see it.

45 is an absolute gem, it’s autobiographical, but it’s more like a random diary of highly amusing events between his last book, 33, which he wrote when he was 33, and 45 which he wrote at… well done! Blue Peter badge for you. If you can see the connection here, you’ll expect another book at 75. 45 is full of boyish quests, poignant observations, and personal superstitions.

For some odd reason I’ve always had a lot more time for personal, made-up superstitions than I have for established ones (horoscopes, broken mirrors, god etc). One example of Drummond’s hokery pokery is his story about drawing a magical ley line across a UK map, somehow guided by the magnetic poles and somthing to do with Elvis, then making his way along this line by foot, while concocting his own soup, in various locations, for anyone who’s happy to eat it.

Anyway, chatting in work this morning, we were trying to remember the first track in the original Donnie Darko, and of course it’s The Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen (a couple of minutes in, in the clip above). Of course because I saw this version first, I think it’s a much better opening track, than the one used for the editors cut (Never tear us apart by INXS) and almost as good as the school scene with Head over Heels by Tears for Fears. I can watch that scene over and over, it’s better than any music video, I’ll refrain from adding ‘ever’. These are the kind of films I love, where each scene can stand on it’s own as a great piece. Mullholland drive is chocka block with these. They’re especially potent when crafted around some enchanting music. Silencio!

More bunny waffle; My standard doodle is a cartoon bunny. I get bored very easily, and I always want to be ‘doing’ something, so I fidget and doodle a lot at meetings etc. I’ve drawn this bunny hundreds of times. Annuvver fing is that I tend to get carried away with things that I get into. When I was 11 I got a rabbit. One year later I had a hundred foot compound, housing about 50 different rabbits, I mixed my own rabbit food which I sold to people who had previously bought rabbits from me, and I also sold rabbits to pet shops. I had special breeding bucks that were bred to sire litters of 12 or so, rather than a standard 5 or 6. I can honestly say I had more of a disposable income when I was 12 than I do now! I also had terrapins, mice, a single pigeon, budgies, guinea-pigs, koi, a hooded crow, and a gerbil city. They say pets can help teach kids a thing or two about life, the unverse and everything. I’ll say! I had to do some things that no 12 year old should have to experience, like mercy-killing sick rabbits and drowning baby gerbils born with no legs. And I still, very frequently, have dreams about rabbits burrowing their way out of the garden!

“You still wake up sometimes, don’t you Clarice? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs. “

What a load of waffle! So much for writing about web design.

Wacom Tablet

May 9, 2007 by John    No Comments    Posted under: drawing, random

I’ve wanted one of these things for years but just never felt I needed one enough to splash out. So thanks to Liz, my very generous sis-in-law, sharing a bit of a windfall in the form Amazon vouchers I finally have one!

It nearly didn’t happen though because Amazon have stopped delivering electronics and other bits and pieces to Ireland. I won’t go into details but its been discussed at length on
Michele Neylon’s blog. Mucho thanks to Eadaoin for the suggestion and execution of getting it delivered to family in the North and dropping it down to the Pale.

Anyway, I started messing about straight away. Didn’t really know what I was doing or wanted to do and it shows!

I think I prefer the thing I scribbled together in 3 minutes. It takes a bit of getting used to but it might be a better substitution for a mouse too. Although, the one annoying thing is that you end up holding the pen while you type. Anyway, Yeeeay new toy. I’ll be having lots of fun with this and it’ll make my graphical work so much easier. Thanks Liz!

Flip up side ya head.

May 4, 2007 by John    No Comments    Posted under: art, random, waffle

Random computer thingy:

Discovered this a while ago by accident and then forgot about it. But it just happened again. I think it’s because I have a dodgy keyboard with sticky keys. I probably should clean it – but the last time I took a keyboard apart to clean it, I had to type without any Ts or Us for weeks. Which was grea fn!

I haven’t mentioned what I’m on about yet have I? Well here it is. If you press CTRL + ALT + any of the arrow keys on your keyboard, you can rotate your screen left or right, or flip it upside down. Mental innit? Press CTRL + ALT + UP arrow for normality. Didn’t work? Must be only the newer machines. Only works in work for me. This can come in very handy if you have an upside down head.

Apparently this was just supposed to be a feature for Windows XP Tablet PC Edition but got carried through to standard intel machines.

Incidentally, I was going to add images of the shortcut keys before I caught a dose of The Laziness, but they weren’t as easy to find as I’d imagined. However I did stumble across some interesting paintings of keyboard keys.

Rice Krispie dust

Apr 6, 2007 by John    No Comments    Posted under: random, stuff

I’ve always loved Rice Krispie dust, so I love the last bowl in the box where all the dust is. Only recently did I discover a use for that mortar and pestle in the kitchen. Actually you don’t even need the mortar just get your bowl of Rice Krispies and pestle away. Voila! Instant Krispie dust!