You scumbag, you maggot!
Time is rife for something that’s been rambling around my head for a very long time. I don’t really do topical posts – but I do like a good rant and this one happens to be topical. So here it is; I’ve had a problem with the word scumbag for quite a while. To me a scumbag is the lowest of the low, scum of the earth, like someone who’d stab someone in the head with a screwdriver! But in the last few years people all around me have been using scumbag for anyone with a thick Dublin accent or who dresses in a certain way.
Ever since I stopped working in factories, got myself a (very late) third level education and a decent job I’ve felt like some kind of spy. I’m constantly shocked by people around me referring to people they know nothing about as scumbags or knackers. “Did they they really just say that in front of me!? they must think I’m one of them! I’m not! I’ve been in groups of people, smugly referring to some group of scumbags and I’m there thinking “I know lots of the people you’re talking about and they’re more honest, clever, and witty than you’ll ever be“.
Quite often people who I really wouldn’t expect it from really surprise me with the stuff they come out with. “I wouldn’t go near that shop/pub/park/beach. Full of scumbags!” You mean people who weren’t as privileged to get as good an education as you? You snobby fuck?! I once heard a friend of a friend of a friend telling some story in a pub which was interjected with “Who’s that knacker comedian again? Brendan O’Carroll! Yeah that’s him….” No one batted an eye lid. I winced.
And let’s be clear here. I do despise actual scum. I’ve absolutely no time for hard men, or people smoking on buses, or bullying, or vandalism, or violence, or racism or anything like that. But I’ve also little time for people who judge people they know nothing about other than their accent or clothes.
And another thing – I’ve often found when I’m in trouble and relying on the kindness of strangers, these are the folk that couldn’t be more helpful. Like the time I broke down at traffic lights. While several respectable members of society sat there beeping at me, it was a gang of lads in tracksuits that suggested pushing me across the road out of the way, and then did so.
There. Done. Said. Chest cleared. Ignore at will. Normal service resumed. I guess this post will be just as popular as that time I mentioned being thouroughly bored by the constant anti-englishness over here. But that was a public forum, so I suppose I was being a bit preachy. At least this is my own soapbox, which I’ll now get down from.
Less because I think my 100th post is a huge milestone and more to do with the fact that I like making images. And this is as good an excuse as any. I’m not sure why it’s made entirely of insects. Slightly inspired by some great typography.
Congratulations to Dublin Improv
Congratulations to Dublin Improv for pulling off a Dublin freeze on Grafton street yesterday.
Thought it was hilarious to see one of the regular statues having a cup of tea in this clip
Unfortunately none of them look as great as the Grand Central video:
I’ve encountered this odd problem for most of my adult life. Occasionally and quite often, those around me will start speaking to each other in a foreign language. Unfortunately I can only speak English. This predicament is always worse when I’m in a situation that surrounds me with new people, such as a new job, as no-one realises English is my only tongue. At the moment I daren’t go into the canteen as it’s worse than ever. I haven’t a clue what they’re talking about – I’ll just look out the window as these odd phrases whizz over my head.
Its not that they’re rude or anything, they just assume I know this language, I’m a bloke you see. It’s mandatory. I might just go in there at lunch time and get it off my chest, say something like “Lads listen, I thought I’d let you know: I can’t speak football. I’m not actually as quiet as you think I just can’t speak football… so I can’t join in the chit chat, and frankly I’m bored out of my skull listening to you lot every day.”
No I better wait for the inevitable question. “So who do you support John?” “Erm… a wife, a son, a mortgage and a cat… Oh hold on, you’re speaking football aren’t you? ah…gotcha… right… no I don’t support anyone: never had the slightest bit of interest, thanks for asking. Have you seen The Diving Bell and the Butterfly yet?”
Skyrockets in flight boom tish!
Can’t get this song out of my head recently. Any time I see that clip from Good Will Hunting or Anchorman I’m singing it for weeks. But now SkyRocket is being used as a project name in the office and every time I hear it, I’m that close [--] to breaking into song.
It’s funny – the song is about afternoon sex (and pocket rockets) – yet The Starland Vocal band who originally recorded it look like a bunch of hippies who’d be more at home singing about tree hugging.
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto’s always been; when it’s right, it’s right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything’s a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.
Sky rockets in flight.Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.
Starland Vocal Band – Afternoon Delight
Anchorman – Afternoon Delight
Good Will hunting – Afternoon Delight
Web design crimelord #1
I’ve had to lock up RTE NL for crimes against web design. Just what were they thinking? Scrolling text that would give a speed-reader a creak in the neck and no way to stop it from scrolling. That’s the worst crime I’ve seen on the Web in ages. And while I’m on the subject; no www.johnbrain.com is absolutely nothing to do with me. He should be locked up for crimes against web site navigation at least.
I really like this photo. It’s almost illusionary. Looks like its printed on a block of metal or something. Or some layered photoshopping was involed, but nope, that’s exactly how it came off my phone. It’s from the inside of Alcatraz pointing out a small window to San Francisco (I still haven’t got around to writing about Alcatraz – here’s a summary: best tourist attraction ever!).
Don’t go out on the Moors!
If you think Sandyford Industrial estate is bad, try Airside Business Park in Swords. There’s nothing out here at all. There’s only one wee bit of eye candy that shines out of the nothingness – the surrounding land untouched by human hands. I love that kind of rough rugged land that you don’t usually see beside a workplace, specially when its foggy. Just wish I had a better camera phone.
I’d like to thank blogger for making it all so painful
Well I never. I’ve been shortlisted in the best newcomer category of the Irish blog Awards. Didn’t expect that to happen. Oh christ, award cliches already. I’ll be thanking God next. It’s all awards awards awards recently isn’t it? Here’s the other contenders:
- K8 the GR8
- Blog the Bog
- Irish Taxi
- Midget Wrangler
- A Pint of Unionist Lite
- Coffee Helps
- The Friendly Farmer
- John Braine
- All Parts Included
- One for the road
On that note. I’m delighted to see This Is England raking in the awards. one of the best films in years I reckon. There’s lots of great stuff on www.thisisenglandmovie.co.uk and http://www.shanemeadows.co.uk/
Digital Media Awards
Congratulations to The Missus for winning ‘best in blogging’ at the Digital Media Awards. We almost didn’t even go. Couldn’t afford neither tux nor tickets. But we were afforded free tickets at the last minute, and found a tux I could borrow. Then to her shock and horror she actually won the award. The look on her face was priceless.
But all that isn’t the point of this post. And none of the above is going to stop me from saying what I’ve been meaning to say since I heard of these awards; their website is a disgrace. Most of this is from memory.
- Flash is very badly and unnecessarily used in places
- The overall UI is terrible
- The navigation is all over the place and inconsistent
- They commit several web design mortal sins, resizing images in the code (thus making them pixelated) and underlining text that isn’t a link.
The reason all that is from memory, is that ever since the awards the site has been inaccessible. A flash movie loads and stays at 8% or doesn’t load at all. Sure there are plenty of bad web sites out there, but someone calling themselves the Digital Media Awards really should have got professionals to build their site.
What happens when you give a four year old half a banana while you’re trying to make pancakes? He thows it into the batter of course, you were just asking for it.
Result? An accidental banana pancake. Score!
Mmmmmm banana pancake hhghghfhhffnnn.
Wallet Top Trumps
Ever play Wallet Top Trumps? The rules are simple: you have to be in the pub having already consumed one too many ales and already talking shit. Then you start pulling random shit out of your wallet. Best shit wins. That’s it.
I just came across an old wallet that was lost and since returned. Was most chuffed to get it back, as it I thought I’d lost a few Top Trumps.
Just warming up… some punts and shillings
I picked these up in some fast food place in New Jersey post 9-11. They’re like those wet wipe things you get on planes. The text on the back reads KARI-OUT will donate a portion of the proceeds from the sale of this fresh nap to charities for the attack on America. I didn’t know there were charities that funded terrorism.
Engrish instructions I got a with a Secret-Santa-inflicted pedometer.
My favourite bits are:
“This stepping meter can only count correctly under the flat plant“
“Under the following conditions, the stepping meter can’t count correctly:
(i)Moon Walking, Wearing Sandal
(ii) When walking in the tricky condition.”
Get out of Jail (not free) card
And just when you thought I’d dealt my top trump with some classic Engrish, I’d whip out my get out of jail card. Also picked up in New Jersey. It’s a business card from a bail bondsman.
Can you top that?
- My top 10 Irish Movies
- The Blathering
- Fat Chance: Beating the Odds Against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease
- Top 10 books of 2012
- The truth about tattoo removal
- CABBAGE CONTROLS – some thoughts on Prometheus casting
- Power’s Short story
- Books of the (last) year
- Pruning your feeds
- That other time I went to the States…
- Quincy M.E. and Cameron Diaz doing the La Bamba
- Different folks, different strokes
- Family cinema design